And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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