it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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