Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I need moral support for this bender
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
