if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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