well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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