Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
