If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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