great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
