Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
