i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
