A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize