Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
the liver wants what the liver wants
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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