So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
