Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
