I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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