I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
