everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
