My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
