why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
