I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
