Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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