It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
