When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
