Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
