Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
