We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
