I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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