I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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