apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
