Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
