I wish my penis had an off switch
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
