I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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