I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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