I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
