Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
