they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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