I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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