im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
