he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
