I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
