I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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