I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
