4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
