I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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