one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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