buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
