So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
