dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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