i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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