Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
