Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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