So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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