do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
