9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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