You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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