How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
