so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize