So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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