His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
