I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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