I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
