i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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