I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
