Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
